The Beginning

So, this is the first poem I’ve published on this blog myself, and I’m curious to know what everyone thinks. I’ve been somewhat nervous about doing it previously for fear of being thought pretentious and rather adolescent in my approach! Feel free to give opinions, criticism (positive!) and so forth! I hope you enjoy.

 

The Beginning

Singing. Sweetness, floral
The tiny, pink hands curled, into
Tiny fists, holding
The petals of a violet rose.

They want to have rerouted, her neurone
Route map, into thousands of minuscule
Back alleys.
The tiny pink fists, stretched upwards, reaching
For the caress of total surrender
Violet rose.

Warm, breathing on your skin.
Oxygen, condenses against the frozen glass.
The heart, remains beating.
The soft pink orb sways, every time…
You laugh- the sun, smiled down- laughed.
Violet rose.

(That, for everything, but for nothing, is beautiful.)

-Sarah Alice

©

 

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2 thoughts on “The Beginning

  1. For a first go, this is a beautiful piece, Sarah Alice, and I mean that. I love the image of a violet rose. Something about that phrasing really jumps out at me.

    The only thing I would consider revising, though, is the clarity of the piece. I understand it’s abstract, but I didn’t get an idea of what was going on until the last verse (and even then I only have a guess as to what the subject is). I’m not saying spell it out for us, though. Not at all. But a little more clarity can go a long way.

    But again, I do love the piece, and I really do think it’s a lovely poem. Great job! ^_^

    • Thank you for reading! (: It was just the first one I thought I’d put up, as a quick attempt. I’ve got maybe two hundred more where that came from, in varying degrees of intensity. Just thought I’d throw it out there! Thanks for your input; I’ll definitely look at the clarity issue. I maybe just read too much in the way of T.S Eliot.
      (:
      SarahAlice

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